in General Thoughts

On Things

This is my first actual post on here in 7 months (not that anyone reads these really anyway). I generally like writing a good blog post when I have something to say. And I haven’t posted not for a lack of things to say, but rather a lack of general time. I’ve been working through a few ideas to write about like power creep in games (looking at something like Magic: The Gathering vs. League of Legends and how power creep affects them differently and the merits of power creep, if any) or certain thoughts about games I have recently played.

Why do I have no time? Sure, I don’t have homework or class anymore but there is one thing I have. A job. Jobs are great: they provide money and (usually) contribute something to society. Jobs are (though in reality this is more oft an aught rather than an is in my limited experience) an on-going learning experience and that learning can be slow or quite fast. Or sometimes it can be going until it abruptly stops until it affects someone’s bottom line. When it stops is when it becomes an issue. Suddenly you know enough to do something but not enough to understand how to replicate it in an easy manner. Then you run into overages, late nights, stress, and the inevitable burnout. The last two in particular I have found to be endemic to the job.

Stress and burnout drain you. Physically and mentally. Nothing is left in the tank. You go full bore 5 days a week but then can’t get it off your mind for the two you are supposed to have off. When this becomes the norm, you can quickly atrophy in both empathy and skill. Maybe empathy is the wrong word. It is more drive. You become so emotionally and physically drained that it is difficult to even bring yourself to touch anything remotely in the area that you work; you just have to veg-out to stay remotely sane. Eventually you have to get tired of being tired.

And, I think I have reached that point. It is time to fight back. Be more active. To slowly rebuild to who I was before: a person passionate about boardgames and learning something cool (like I did today with learning some Processing) and obsessing about Megatron being killed off in Transformers: Regeneration One to actually going out and hiking and playing some disc golf and working out and doing more than just running necessary errands. Things tend to get sucked out of you. You get beat down by the situation, by others, by life (looking at you student loans). Now, I know I am not living on the street, living wanting, or wondering if ¬†food will be on the table. I have lived some of that before. It isn’t pretty. And I know many, many, many people are worse off than me. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t strive to be more. That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t stop striving to be more either. You just have to keep fighting until something changes. Once you stop striving you stagnate and nothing enriching happens; you just fall into a pit that isn’t benefitting anyone, especially those near and dear to you.

Today, I started fighting again.


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